THIS IS WHAT I LIKE.

I like the icing on the cupcake but not the sponge,

I like the icing on the gem but not the biscuit,

I like the icing on the fruit cake and even the marzipan but never the fruit, I said never the fruit, never the sultanas, never the raisins, never the fruit implied, else it’s cake denied,

I like the yellow coating on the battenberg but never the fluffy sponge squares,

And they always, ALWAYS, insist on catching me unawares,

I like doughnuts with the hole in and never the jam, it’s not even proper jam, it’s a bleeding imposter, it’s a sham-jam,

I like the top bit on French Fancies but not the rest,

I like the middle of custard creams but not the top or bottom, and it doesn’t matter how much you argue, it’s not a chocolate bourbon,

I like burgers but not with sliced guerkins, they taste of twig, I’d rather eat a murkin, I can’t believe of all the words to rhyme with guerkin I chose a pubic wig,

I like marmalade but only if it’s shredless,

I like orange juice without the pulp and milk without the cow,

And lastly I’d like to dedicate this list of likes to anyone who hates peanut butter.