Audrey Heartburn

I've eaten rich things for tea,

And it seems to be that they're repeating on me,

All I had was Stilton and port,

Lobster thermidor, a slice of parma ham,

A swig of red wine and half a rack of lamb,

True, it was after eight,

And I did have one or two bouts to the tune of 'defecate',

Indeed my tummy does feel rather sore,

This simply won't do for a goodwill ambassador,

I didn't go lightly with the sausage rolls,

Followed by a scotch egg then a bite of the lemon sole,

I shouldn't have had that breakfast,

at Tiffany's,

with the pancakes and cream,

And thank god, that I couldn't quite manage,

the last of that sea bream,

Yes, I am Audrey Heartburn,

Not as elegant as the 'Hep',

For would she organise a dinner party,

And forget to invite the guests?